!Charlie Brown Forever!

Ya, it's my brother's name, but sorry Bud - it's the tree I'm gone on. No matter where life takes us, I promise right here, right now to only take home the scrawniest of trees. These guys have always been my best childhood memories, right down to one we had in our back yard. I love giving them some love and let us be honest - a celebrated decoration is truly the highest bar the Browner could ever hope to reach. I mean, what's this one - 10, 15 years old? Yikes. It also touches something within me relating to meager and honest beginnings... a strong journey of building a foundation worth investing in.




Finally got some shots of the boy goofing around on his bed, though the true effect of just how small he was when we first made the trasition is already lost. Growing like a weed, and that darned number on the scale just won't climb with his topline! STILL the 24 pounds he's been for the past i-don't-know-how-many months! But he LOVES his bed and all the cozy blankets that go with it.

SANTA!!..?

We're not sure who was more ecstatic to see the other... Actually, by the time the photo shoot was over, Kaleb was giving Santa Hi Fives and Fist Pumps. That's as cozy as they got. Oh well. Next year they'll be chums!

We're pretty excited for Kaleb's first (real) Christmas. We'll got to get a tree next week and learn all about not touching something covered with pretty twinkling toys and lights. Yikes.

Long Time, No Post

We've been busy around the homestead, getting ready for winter and settling into our comfy new life. I wonder when it will cease to feel "new"... For almost the entire part, I feel ecstatic with how the dust is settling. There are many days full of work that feeds whatever monster resides within. There are just as many days spent playing with a happy, mischievous son - and rarely does it not feel like play. We are so proud of how he's forming, even the rowdy parts! My husband is finding focus, purpose and strength in his growing business. There's enough time to get my hands and heart dirty working with the horses. I'm getting more into the habit of maintaining my connection with what makes me feel like me. I still have days of cold silence that I can't seem to break through, no matter how much my husband and child rail at me, but very thankfully they are fewer and further between.

The memory of feeling like life could not possibly ever feel good again, and the realisation that it already does taste so sweet almost bowls me over. It anchors my perspective, constantly.

Now for the fun stuff:

We tried potty training for an afternoon... not quite ready, though it was fun to try! Photos like these are SO coming back to bite me in the ...er... well, as shown below.

Horsin around the house - he LOVES his new boots and the hat has finally won him over. As I type, he's taking a nap with both items on.

His first foray into the cold white stuff. Loves it, but not so much when it finds its way into his mittens. I feel ya, buddy.

Halloween Apples!

Well, crud. Posted on the 31st, but internet crashed on me and obviously didn't push this through!

Kaleb has one fierce ROAR.

So we chose to be a Dinosaur!! He LOVED this entire game. We were thinking two, maybe four houses, but the kid couldn't get enough! We halloweened for an HOUR. We had to shut him down! It was entirely too much fun.

On a more current note, last night was our first night in the BIG BOY BED!!! I'll have to get a shot of him all bundled up in this thing. It's actually a reglar double bed. We've removed the bed rails so the box spring sits directly on the floor. He's so adorably tiny in it!

He did quite well, spending his typical hour of crib play exploring the new freedom with laps through the house and ultra-quiet story time in the dark. Never before has he been so interested in those books! Once that hour was through, he konked out right till 7 a.m., whereupon he rediscovered his books for another 45 mins before coming to greet us for the day.

What a phenomenally fun boy!

Illusions

Not many quality posts here, lately. The truth is not that I have nothing to write. The truth is that I have been hiding.

When this little ride of ours stopped, I felt pressure to get right back to 'normal', whatever that was. Everything was finished, we'd dodged a bullet that so many are not lucky enough to and it was time to be grateful and march on. Reality, for anyone who has experienced anything near similar, is far different.

A wonderful new brain mechanic has helped me to first see and then begin work to remedy the condition of being stuck on Autopilot. This was so necessary to being able to function for so long, that I could no longer tell the difference. Further more, I had so effectively closed off my emotional self from my functional self that I had no idea how to bring the two back together. Not only have my friendships suffered, but my marriage was feeling the blows. The only pearl of clarity available to me was our son. His gleeful pursuit of life has always been an anchor. In my mind's eye, I could always clearly see him and everything around us was fuzzy. I could not bring forth emotion to fully experience anything that once brought me joy. I could not connect with friends and family so dear to me. I could present a great face and tackle anything in my day, but I rarely even remembered details. I did not understand this block, I barely even recognised it... I just knew that things somehow weren't right. It was almost like emerging from a pool only to find a lid in place, forcing me to tread water.

Two things happened very close together to lift my fog of illusion. My husband and I escaped for two amazing days of camping and riding our horses. The submersion in all things nature brought me back to myself for the first time since my son's birth. I love him more than I knew how, but he sure knocked me off my centre, even before the Big C. The following week was my first date with The Mechanic, the putting into words exactly what was going on and the developing of plans to work my way out.

I finally feel peace about so many things I didn't even realise were causing turmoil. Someone has helped me to see the dangling little rope ladder leading up out of this hole of confusion. It's a process that will I'm sure take me the rest of my life, but I'm a very introspective person... I know I'll do just fine.


Developmentally, the little man continues to tickle us pink. He's really working on expanding and clarifying his words this week. He can understand us as clearly as anyone and will go to his room and close the door when asked to think about a particular temper tantrum. That's our favourite right now. He's also climbing anything and everything with a new energy and efficiency. Almost as though he's been thinking about it all this time and finally figured it out. My bicycle (onto the seat), the riding arena gate (to the top!), nothing is too daunting.

I'm so head-over-heels and trying so hard not to let it go to his head.