Comin' up on 1 year.

Already! Wednesday will be one year since we first/finally saw his sweet face. I feel slightly guilty that his big day will be my landmark of an entire year since the craziest event of my life. I suspect (hope) that eventually the reactive shallow breathing and cold sweat will fade and all that will be left is "Kaleb's Birthday". As it is, even the smell of the brand of wipes we used that first month is enough to stop the air dead in my lungs.

The whirlwind of his arrival was something that completely knocked me on my ass and left me scrambling to find my SELF again. Now, having finally attained some measure of who I used to be and who I'm supposed to be today, I'm not exactly eager to revisit the floundering insecurity of this last year. I love our lives once again, where there were more moments than not that I honestly wondered if I ever could again - never once because of our precious little man, but rather because of the monster that threatened him. I'm so grateful that our life with him is just begining, rather than already ending.

Our new lives are spectacular and I am finally again looking forward to the path we will travel, as a solid and sound unit.

Picture Post!

Showing off his new 'hopper' (belly)...


His favourite drawer in the kitchen... no pots? no problem!

Bath time! Note how he just loathes it.

Head Remains Firmly In Sand

Every new stage he reaches, I'm sure it's GOT to be the most fun one yet. He's such a large individual in a gorgeous little package. He loves broccoli. It's taken me almost 30 years to enjoy it in any form. Loves raisins, too. I'm glad he seems to be developing his father's broader palette.

We're all eating healthier and being more active. I feel my phsycial strength growing, shoring up my fractured emotional strength, slowly, hopefully. I'm finding it difficult to bring the pendulum back to a state of reasonable. I suppose it will take some time. The busy little dude in the back of my short-circuiting brain is always considering counciling to teach me some good skills for this dilema. The machismo side of me just wants to plug on, building my business, filling the empty hours with quality horse time and stocking up on all this awesome family time.

I refuse to allow any doubts about Kaleb's future health invade my waking conscience, blocking out the possibilities like the most stubborn Warner Bros. Road Runner. Certainly, I feel like I have sand in and between my ears most days.

I'm actually SO excited about my horse season this year. I'm determined to take back something that once consumed so much of my life, that made me so whole. I've taken a 3-year hiatus and am ready to own it again.

I truly hope Kaleb comes to love our horse life. He was quite excited to see Daddy on the 'big puppy' today. We won't push it on him, but I'm barely containing myself at the prospect of having an eager little pardner!