Heaven

There is something so yummy about hugging and snuggling a tiny person of your own self.

The instant joy and soaring heart hit before those tiny hands can even clamp around your neck, their own little version of a vice. It's better than a deep breath after a fresh rain, better than a warm fire on a crisp evening, better than chocolate cake with coconut sprinkles (for those who know me, this is something of a deal).

Sure, hugging loved ones has always been little slices of grounding wholesome goodness, but baby hugs are wholegrain wholesome. They show me the ground my roots were born in and which way they continue to grow. His chubby little arms, happy feet and busy hands... they touch something inside me I had no idea existed.

I've never deluded myself for a second that I would be one of those moms. You know the ones... they recreate motherhood from the womb - out, morphing it into an artform. Picasso Moms delight in bringing everything back from the begining of time and making it new, not to mention showcasing that prowess to the world with great zeal. And all the power to them. How could one not honour a good parent?

I consider motherhood a piece of myself, just as being a business owner is a piece of myself, just as being some kind of a horseback rider is a peice of myself. Kaleb ranks right up there with being as good a partner to the hubby as I can. Horse time rolls in with definite high ranking, if only I had more leisure to invest into it (boo hoo, poor me). I do take pride in muscling out a definitive outline in my entrepreneurial work, but am constantly daydreaming about improving things or even my next/other venture... insatiable career hog, but only if I can work to live. I will never live to work, never again be a slave to any job.

In these times of meagre wallets, we are enjoying a part-time daycare schedule. I'm ecstatic for every day of the week, equally. Jogging right beside my constant concern for meeting financial obligations, is my delight at being so present and involved during these first five years of our son's development. We know how fleeting it is. It's an interesting and stimulating state of emotional conflict. Days of child care afford us the freedom to run the household and days of having him home are full of adventure and manner-moulding.

I'm really enjoying this phase of our lives. I try to absorb everything through every pore. I want to remember it all and learn from it all. I will never be here again.