Another Me Post

Don't know if you guys prefer or bemoan these posts, but it is my cathartic blog, after all. I have the power.

I've always been one to self-analyze to the point of nausea.

I recently had a new client find their way to my grooming salon. She was very terse over the phone, boarderline rude. I was grouching right up til she arrived, whereupon I put on my business face. I met her drama with a calm and firm lack of fluster. I was neither cowed, apologetic (I had nothing to be sorry for), nor was I bubbly. Amazingly, this diffused the storm immediately and seemed to almost relax her. Extenuating circumstances had her staying during the course of her dog's spa treatment. Conversation started out very sterile and polite but quickly progressed to the meat and potatoes. She'd battled and won not one but FOUR rounds with cancer. While I may not agree with her coping style, I could certainly understand it. Before my very eyes, as I related our own experience in my very matter-of-fact, what is just simply IS style, she melted into the friendliest little puddle.

This entirely new experience in customer relations has shone the light on my own encounters with people. I could clearly see that it was my lack of emotional reaction that helped her to unwind and find a stronger support. For myself anyway, all those flowery words of sympathy and pity puts me more on guard... as though such a cloud of fluff would drop me like a stone should I try to stand or lean on it. I myself used to vomit such an effusion upon hearing of someone's own great trial and tragedy, all the while edging away and subconsciensly hoping it wouldn't trigger some mystical karmic force of contagiousness. How awful to admit that about one's self, to discover that about one's self. Upon reflection, I was always ashamed of this response, even as I slinked away. I now realise what all The Initiated realise; to expend that much energy on emotional displays is to compromise the conquering of that mountain set before you. You are quickly stream-lined into a more efficient processing machine or you fail. Similarly, if you're obligated to drag someone wailing and flailing up over that mountain, you're going to fail. Much better to have an equal partner who knows how to boost as well as how to bounce off your boost.

I find myself relieved to be able to now offer an "I hear ya, Sister." I've faced a level of fear I didn't know I could feel, much less overcome. I am STRONG ENOUGH. Strong enough to do it again. Strong enough to stand with those who may need me in any capacity through their own journey.

I am battle-ready BUT I am also softened, so as to enjoy what pleasures and joys are before me now. More than ever, I appreciate the importance of cherishing of what is precious and good RIGHT NOW. We have so so much to be grateful for.

Children's Wish Ride

Well, the dinner, anyway. That's all the little man had stamina for.

We haven't yet had the pleasure to bring our horses to this event, but we were excited to bring Kaleb this year. He loved seeing all the horses, rocking out to the live music and making his rounds through the crowd. We're pretty sure there does not remain a cooler uninspected, nor a lawn chair untested. He made the amazing discovery of how speakers vibrate with their own beat and helped us select a few prizes in the silent auction. The lovely ladies doing the face painting were a big hit with him, too. And of course, we cannot forget the delectable eats! It was such a wonderful evening!

The First HAIR CUT

Something seems fishy about this place...

What are we doing? What's going on?

Definitely don't like this!!!

All Done!

Hamin Around The House

Just some updating photos, so y'all don't lose track of what the hairy little beast looks like...
We have our first haircut scheduled for Friday (eek!).

How can anyone not appreciate the imp in these shots? He is SO much fun!

Peeling Away the Layers

The light bulb sputtered and blinked on during some girl-talk last night. I’ve been really bothered by my lack of feeling toward my own animals, lately. I still appreciate them but I just can’t seem to feel warm about them anymore, as though I'm somehow detached. And I finally figured out exactly why I needed to cycle out the paint gelding I’ve been enjoying for the last 3 years for something less needy.

This entire life event we have sustained exercised the limitations of my emotional self. I reached and returned from depths I never knew I could visit, let alone survive. In a way, it adjusted my prioritising of everything in my life. While I hang on to every successful day forward with an impossibly open heart and just try to relax and soak everything in, I’m sure that no matter how far we get with the little man, I will always have a monkey on my back.

The specialists tell us to expect cancer to return, that it is our new reality. Thing is, the little champion hasn’t actually fit into any box they try to stuff him into. Patrick refuses to even entertain the idea, like a good parent. While I certainly cling to the hope that he'll defy another of their gloomy expectations like a de-clawed cat falling out of a tree, I can’t stop my subconscious from keeping the glove pumped and ready. I think this is exactly why I can’t drum up the warm fuzzies for simple things. I actually resent anything that vacuums what little energy I have left, as though I’m scurrying to recharge before another hit and anything that inhibits that effort is detrimental to my very existence.

My animal time is my therapy. With the paint horse, a rider needs to be 110% engaged in mind as well as body, which can be a wonderfully fun way to ride when you have the luxury of enough stored emotion. For now, I need a horse that I can just turn everything off with and chill. I can appreciate and trickle what precious little I have left into a being like this with no pressure at all.

I have gratitude for all that gives me space, for all that nurtures peace.