An Up-the-backer.

Poor Auntie Hilary got pooped on. Yes, chemo does some grody things to the system and I'm sure our man Kaleb is enjoying all the funny sounds and faces people make when he pulls a gross little (or big) oopsie. It's either that, or he's far more clever than he should be.

I'm amazed at my continued reflex to all the baby advertising that surrounds us. Every single smiling, chubby child is a slap in the face with a knobby stick. I know... GET OVER IT, ALREADY. Believe me, I'm yelling at myself those very words every time. It's not so much that I fear we won't beat this. I feel in my core that we will. I suppose it's a lingering grip on my selfish greed for the "norm". No one says it. A few good friends do celebrate it. But more step on each other with their instinctual drive to have a child that one-ups everyone else's.

My logical ambition was to continue the momentum of my pregnancy. It was honestly the most wonderful event to occur to my body. I mentally documented and "freeze-framed" so much of how it felt at every stage and it all felt fantastic. I scoffed at video tapes depicting mournful women who had to suffer through C-sections. I could not imagine that they refused to appreciate the gorgeous, healthy children before them.

Then my own body's failure came to pass. I recall being ushered into the "high risk" wing, watching as those beautiful doors that lead to a fanciful wing of natural mothers disappeared around the corner. I was going the wrong way!! I was supposed to be lounging in the warm tub, surrounded by cheery decor and soothing music, with my own private room. I was supposed to labour, deliver and recover with my husband and child, all in the same room! During all those ridiculous pre-natal classes, I swallowed the one class on "oh, by the way" scenarios but I honestly never for one second believed that any of them might apply to me. After all, I was a natural at being a life-nurturing blimp.

There is no rest for the warrior birther, either. Before you even come down off the good stuff that gets you through the ordeal, they're pitching you your new squalling football. I was so intent on not fumbling the darned thing, with all these 20-something, never-done-anything-worthwhile nurses coaching you through one corner of their pert little mouths, while condemning your lack-luster efforts through the other, that I did not process anything other than "We made it!". Home we went, scrambling to try to establish a new routine and rhythm. While all this was humming along my surface, I did not even realise my inner struggle to accept such a gruesome detour. I almost understood the pathetic sobbing woman on the video with the healthy baby girl. Almost. I still wouldn't let myself examine too closely my own feelings of utter failure on the most important physical front of my life. I refused to invite the dark visitor of post-partum and I certainly have the capacity to embrace him, whole-hog. I instead focused on learning who this new spectacular little person was and oh how he has captured my attention!

With the birth dust mostly settled and my warrior's wound far-too-slowly healing, my heart and mind are obviously pulled in more important directions. It was, after all, One Day. One day that brought to us the most incredible, precious package of our lives.

We are so ecstatic, even now, to be sharing in his life. And that's what it's already become. *snap* just like that... he's too large not to have his own life, his own journeys... which I have to say, have certainly started off with a big bang.


I've received a very good suggestion, I think... Next post, all about who he is. If anyone wants to email contributions to this thought, I'd love to include them. Everyone's perspectives are so interestingly different.

Amazing Date Night & Day!

Thurs night we were relieved of duty. We went to a movie at our local cheap seats that was an awesome surpriser. I love when a movie does that! Then we followed it up with a leisurely drive "around the block" on the way home. That's code for back-roads-meander. It was so nice to do something so brainless and quiet.

We crawled out of bed around noon on Friday and pulled our horses out for a ride. Again, the pace was very relaxed and wonderful. Not the rip-roaring tear across the prairies of my prior riding days, but very therapeudic, none-the-less.

I'm getting back into the gym routine, too. It feels amazing to do so. I took a week off to try and recover from a sinus infection PRONTO. Today is the the start of Kaleb's counts dropping and I couldn't have this hanging around for that. I'm all but recovered, but Kaleb did catch some of it. They told me that I could not give it to him, but clearly there's a flaw in their logic. I feel awful, watching him struggle with his little nose. They now tell me that it won't complicate any potential issues to come this week. We'll see. To my thinking, if he can't sleep, he's more susceptible... but what do I know.

His appetite is returning already, thankfully. I think we'll be ready to try solids again in the next day or two. He's still off on the meds. The faces he makes and the negotiations needed to get them down!! My goodness, what a proceedure. It's good for a few laughs, anyhow. Mean Mommy.

You sure can tell toilets were designed by a man...

I mean, "ball & cock assembly"?? Such typically male self-facination. Come ON. I SO mastered that junk. What does that make me... hmmmm. Invincible? This is my second tank re-build in history. Feel pretty solid on my skills. The hubby may adamantly NOT be a plumber, but maybe I should hang a shingle. And for those of you who went there... for shame!

I drive home from my shift at sunset every day, now. I think everyone would agree that fall is the most fabulous season for a rider of any machine, animate or otherwise. I long ago lost count of how many spectacular displays I've had the privilege to view from horseback. Every time I thought I'd witnessed the best one, another blew the boundaries of my mind and trumped all. There's something closer about being out on the bald prairie when it happens. The still damp air sourrounds you and you can't keep from breathing it into your lungs. Better to embrace it, and when you do it mysteriously fills you with the earth's essance and pulls you into the incredible light show. You feel a part of buzzing, lazy insects - not the kind that bother you, as those are left behind with summer. The tired vegetation seems to sway in response to your pulse as you pass. Your horse's warmth saturates every part of your body that rests close to him. There's nothing quite like fall riding. I always sensed, in those frequent lucky excursions, that life would not forever be so simple. I always tried to tattoo the scents, sounds and sights into my memories, even how my bones felt. I willed every fibre of myself to remember. Those stolen moments sustain me now.

Now, the real show:

Bumbo? ...This Bumbo?

Shmumbo! Who needs it? I'm a big boy now!

Let me out, let me out!!

My new wheels, compliments of 'Tante Dee! Now I'm stylin'!

An Aside...

I have to make an official ammendment.

I keep referring to "the ladies" who worked tirelessly on this day for us. The truth is that there is a lurking, whirling go-fer in their midst. Gary Hill was an entire force unto himself. He hauled heineken like a machine, doing whatever needed doing. Both Judy and Gary, you have truly turned out to be phenominal friends to our family.

There were so many people who really hustled to pull this off.

Joelle, whose name I hope I spelled right, didn't know us from anyone else on the street and lent her amazing skills of refinement. That's polite-talk for anal-retentive organisation. I only know it cause I seen it in m'self. LOVE it. You're tireless!!! I have this crazy urge to say "Yous the diiick!" It's a compliment, if you've watched Juno. Somehow, I think you'd get it.

Steph, my prefers-to-remain-anonymous-but-I-won't-let-her sister-in-law, cannot be contained in mere words. This woman is busting her groove, looking after two babies she's had in the last two years, trying to prep a house for sale, already has the planning of a benefit social under way and then piles THIS on her plate! I don't know if she's infallibly generous or just masochistic. Likely a little of both. *wink* And her hubby, Superstar Shane is the one who wrangled the Kubota ferry-mobile for the day. Great family is so precious.

Carol the bulldog dug up and produced the hilarious dunk tank, as well as it's reluctant subjects. Those poor kids froze, dip after dip! Carol has also been opening her doors to many of my clients who I cannot serve right now. I'm so grateful to have someone trustworthy to send them to, as poor Judy's roster is full.

There were so many people helping out that I cannot wrap my brain around it all. I'd like to send a general thanks to all that means no less to me. Whether it was walking ponies, manning the games, working the canteens or handling the tickets. The clean-up crew afterward was thorough and efficient. There were people there that I hadn't seen in years, including many fellow groomers and old colleages from hydro.

Everyone's contributions to the day have been amazing. We have effectively been rescued from the prospect of some serious debt. Our recovery from this little detour in our lives will be so much quicker thanks to all of you!

I'm back with photos!

I didn't talk about my TV debut yesterday. Man was I nervous. I'd sweated and drooled with ponies and dogs all day and there was no mirror in sight! The wind was unreal, so hair control was at an all-time low but I was intent on thanking everyone publicly. Of course, once I got started with the lovely lady from CTV, I just melted into a puddle, losing everything I'd gone over in my head the entire night prior. Ah well. I think I got the gist of it across. It was surreal, seeing myself on the screen and hearing about our story from a third-person perspective. At least it was a happy and hopeful story, amongst the crap happening all around us. Every day I'm reminded of how fortunate we are.

One of the awesome bumper play rooms:



The evil dunk tank. Filled with the fire hydrant, it was frigid!!

One of the three trooper ponies in action:

The other awesome bumper room:

Some of the many craft tables:

Some of the many prize tables:

The official ferry vehicle, usage donated by Lawson Sales on the Perimeter Hwy:

Official T-Shirt venue, established by Kaleb's Memere & Pepere (Grandparents):

Amazing tribute table created by my sisters-in-law, Steph & Jackie:

If anyone has any photos of the amazing performing dogs, please email them to me! hpemms@mts.net. They need to be small files for my little laptop. I was otherwise pony-occupied and missed the darned show! I did hear that it was fantastic!