Horsey Healing

Don't let the photos fool you... He may spend a large part of his days consuming Daddy's yummy casseroles, chewing on a good leather shoe and doting on the dogs, but this kid has entirely 'nother side...

His latest favourite trick has become the "throw down, roll around on the ground" trantrum. Wasn't this kind of thing supposed to wait until his second birthday?? Yet at 11 months, he's mastered it. I'm almost afraid to take the little beastie out!

He's also RUNNING. He has yet to figure out how to stand without a landmark, but the monster runs to you or FROM you.

He's coming to understand things that are off limits, such as the cupboard containing the lizard food and the stairs, though we have finally installed a gate there.

We are finding reprieve from slow and worrying business growth in our equine pardners. It would seem that my young, spaztic horse has finally started to mature, in this his 8th year of life. I can finally see some serious riding on our horizon, almost as good as 'the old days'. I'm very excited about how far he's come, about my readiness and about spring fast approaching!!!

Soaring Hearts

I barely can express what this tiny person does to me every single day. To simply sit and watch him grow and develop into his own little self is so awe-inspiring and comforting both at once. I guess all mothers go through this at some point and I'm just soaking it all up.

Something as simple as picking his favourite foods out of his chopped-up medly on the tray just has my heart filling my entire chest. I took him to the grocery store for the first time yesterday and to see him gleefully sitting in the cart, wonderously peering around, gripping the handle bar in one hand and the list in the other... it was all I could do not to dance in the aisles. Of course, he's a total flirt with the cashier, just like his dad.

The simplest things are my sweetest joy.

Forward Motion

The little man is defying the assistance of walls and furniture to move about, now. He's quite proud of himself and does very well when he's not thinking about it. The second you encourage him, he gets so excited he sabotages himself.

Working has been just an awesome experience. I left my corperate gig two years ago and only this month am I able to finally feel the wholesome healing that working for myself provides. I'm finally full-time (pregnancy got in the way last year)! The desk job got me places, absolutely. But internally it was a constant struggle for me. I just couldn't be happy sitting on my posterior for 10+ hours every day, including the commute. The peace of my own busy schedule, the constant immersion of my snuggly home environment, fantastic people and great pets just make my days blissful! Of course, knowing that I'm finally working toward making our home financially viable again is huge. Raised by a banker, the household ticker is constantly rolling through my brain.

I'm feeling the urge to get back into my equine pursuits. It's my favourite chocolate (besides chocolate, itself). I've played with my horse with some ground work this week. For the non-horsey peeps, respect on the ground is good starting point. My last horse was a working partner with no emotional interests in me. This horse is one big wacky ball of emotion. Loads of fun to play with and such a buoy, at any given time!

M'dog's wacky, too... hmmm. I often consider some phrase I've heard of animals reflecting their owners...

Peach

Fuzz!!!!!!!

Even as he tries to help me type this post, I can see soft, brown fuzz on his head.

It was NOT there yesterday.

Yay!!!

His First Big Boy Bath

...since that last bath, where the whole nightmare began. (You can see his two top chicklets in this pic.)

A very different atmosphere today! Excitement warred with irrational fear as I worked to keep my heart inside my chest.

He's making serious progress with his walking, taking 8 to 10 steps to reach us. Of course every step is a major celebration.

I've been avoiding posting for some time. My conflict lies not only in my professional PR, but also in that, finally crawling out from under this heavy cloud, I don't want to look too closely at why we're not 110%.

I hope those well-intentioned don't take my following self-observation to heart, as it's merely a detatched examination. In all of my nervousness and excitement at re-opening my business, I forgot to prepare for the inevitable questions. They hit me like a burlap sack of bricks on Day 1. While I appreciate the concern and interest, I cannot help but wonder how long it will take to shrug the association. I'd just begun to not think of our family as 'special', to feel light and free. We'd slowly started bringing him out to places where people didn't know of his illness and saw him only as a tyical baby. Those sincere questions slowly began to cloak me down again, closing off my oxygen. I've got to figure out how to equip myself to better handle this.

The correct answer always is that everything is fantastic. In truth, our struggle continues, in some ways more hurtful because we feel we should be dancing on the rooftops. After living as two separate team mates for so long, tossing us two cats into the hamster ball together has been a ride. We have yet to fully retract our claws from battle and the flare ups are instant and brilliant. Add to that the pressure of getting our fiscal ball rolling, and it's like walking through waist-deep sludge, swinging big, beefy mallets at each other. We're working hard to get our lines of communication back up, to re-learn the dance that once came so easily to us.

We're almost there... I can almost taste how beautiful it was and could be again.