Busy Times.

There's a lot going on right now. We're busting our humps to wrap up the million tiny touches of my shop before business really gets rolling. We're accommodating a couple of dogs already for boarding, but the grooming won't start until February. I'm really jazzed to start working again and am happily tweaking my space to suit me better. Patrick has been phenomenal help with all the hard stuff. I'm going to have to clean up after these boarders and do a photoshoot for my website to update the pics.

Keeping my brain and body occupied is helping to distract me from my impatience. We're RIGHT THERE. We're at the end, only his counts are still dropping. Not until they show a steady upswing will they release us. He's had two infusions of blood and platelets this time. Evidence that his little body is losing ground to the toxic meds, needing more and more help to recover. I'm SO relieved that there is no more to put him through. I can't wait to welcome him home for the last time, to be an intact family unit again.

The Little Man himself is teething again. Tooth #5 has broken through and I suspect there's a couple more chasing it. He spends his days this week snuggling and dozing. We're looking forward to him getting past this and back to his cheerful, exhausting self.

He is the best thing to ever happen to us.

He Continues to Shine his Light When it's Needed Most.

Developmentally, he's a MONSTER.

Into everyone and everything, he stands alone for almost a full minute at a time and drags items larger than himself along while he cruises. Given something to hold on to, he's FAST on those little feet. His little arms are constantly fishing between the bars to claim anything within reach. He knows how to stand on things to climb higher in the crib and enjoys making his own rhythm by banging things together. His musical tastes continue to vary - into some hard core rap today. Great.

Just the other day he launched himself right past me out of the crib, which is as high as my waist. I caught him in the air, his head a foot from the cement floor and his toes pointing to the sky. !!!Whaaaa?!!!

I think we're really in for it.

Thank You For Having Me.

I've never meant it so much.

My heart breaks for a friend struggling with a heavy loss. Her friend, her sister, her mother. It's a struggle she should not have to bear at this time. I wish that I could help her avoid it altogether.

The air in my lungs weighs me down at the loud omission of a once vibrant and cheerful life.

Even knowing it's coming and looking forward to the completion of a long and exhausting battle, the reality of the void still knocks everything right out of your being.

She was so brave - laughing even, during her last day.
Her name means Resolute Protector.
How apt.

I still struggle to wrap my head around the fact that all that was Wilma, all that was contained in that beautiful person, is gone.

Where ever you are girl, I know that you're flying and I wish you the very best.

Last Go, Largest Mountain..?

Logic clearly illustrates that the hardest part is behind us, but for some insane reason it really feels impossible to take ourselves back in. To know that the illness is no longer present, but that the typical stats - which really haven't fit our mold yet, scream that this monster will invade faster, harder and smarter if we stop treatment too soon... it's a two-sided coin that constantly erodes delicate budding confidence in any of our blind decisions.

The evil monkey dancing around in the back of my brain, pulling out wires and plugging them back in willy-nilly, taunts me with fears that the last few days of chemo will have some horrible effect on my son's long-term health. He has seemed so unflappable to this point, almost too good to be true. I find myself holding my breath at every twitch or nod, searching for a clue.

I am so exhausted.
Ineffective.
Small.
I want to get off the ride, now.

And yet, others do this gauntlet and far worse ones for years.
I am Feckless.

Christmas or Wednesday?

I can think back to prior christmas seasons and remember trying to jar the magic of the season. There is something about it that cannot be duplicated nor adequately expressed. I find my feelers passing through open air this year which, in light of how birthdays hardly caused a ripple as they breezed by, I expected. I have no real saddness over the omission, but more of an impartial acceptance. These landmarks are for the next generation, after all - right? I do find myself delighted by the little sleigh Patrick found for Kaleb.

Snapped more shots of the monster:

And at the response of some interest, a sneek-peek at the business renos:

Happy Holidays Everyone!