Last Go, Largest Mountain..?

Logic clearly illustrates that the hardest part is behind us, but for some insane reason it really feels impossible to take ourselves back in. To know that the illness is no longer present, but that the typical stats - which really haven't fit our mold yet, scream that this monster will invade faster, harder and smarter if we stop treatment too soon... it's a two-sided coin that constantly erodes delicate budding confidence in any of our blind decisions.

The evil monkey dancing around in the back of my brain, pulling out wires and plugging them back in willy-nilly, taunts me with fears that the last few days of chemo will have some horrible effect on my son's long-term health. He has seemed so unflappable to this point, almost too good to be true. I find myself holding my breath at every twitch or nod, searching for a clue.

I am so exhausted.
Ineffective.
Small.
I want to get off the ride, now.

And yet, others do this gauntlet and far worse ones for years.
I am Feckless.

Christmas or Wednesday?

I can think back to prior christmas seasons and remember trying to jar the magic of the season. There is something about it that cannot be duplicated nor adequately expressed. I find my feelers passing through open air this year which, in light of how birthdays hardly caused a ripple as they breezed by, I expected. I have no real saddness over the omission, but more of an impartial acceptance. These landmarks are for the next generation, after all - right? I do find myself delighted by the little sleigh Patrick found for Kaleb.

Snapped more shots of the monster:

And at the response of some interest, a sneek-peek at the business renos:

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I dream of paint.

...on account of how much of it I've been doing. What's it been? A month since I started? Blech. Another couple of hours at it and I'll be finished for good. I do not recommend spreading such a project over a long period of time. On the plus side, I do think my posterior is slightly more pert from all that up & down on the ladder... ;o)

We've been delegated to home line care due to Kaleb's remaining little lumen clotting faster than they can get the magic juice in on their regular schedule. I kind of like playing nurse - feel pretty comfortable with it, after watching and assisting for the last five months.

I can hardly believe there's only one more round to go. The weight of impending massive relief pins my emotions down quite tidily, which appeals to my sense of order. I know I'll have my complete crumble at some point and every once in a while I feel those unruly sentiments threatening my productivity. I stare at something so wholly "healthy child" of Kaleb's like some silly toy and the cracks pop and hiss across my thin veneer. As the end dances its little strip tease before us, my white-knuckle grip finds less and less purchase. I just hope I can have my little moment, pull everything together and truck on without too much nonsense.

I often think of the many loved ones with their own mountains set before them. Like my own personal news-ticker, the constant reel through my mind holds a solid perspective before me. You each know who you are. We love you and TeamEmms is chearing you all on.

A couple of recent photo ops:

Big Man Standing

He pulled his first attempt at standing not 10 minutes ago. Perhaps consignment to the play pen corral has necessitated ventures into new activities. Little turkey was talking right at us when he let go that second hand and tottered from toe to heel for a good 20 seconds before TIMBERing down onto his posterior and erupting into a fit of giggles. We, of course, exploded with applause and "atta boy!"s.

His development seems to be advancing at mach 10 these days. He's already caught his fingers in a kitchen cupboard door and climbed over the impervious Short Lab. The Boxer continues to evade his advances - the first wise thing that big dummy has figured out.

Hope everyone's having as great a weekend as we are!

Kaleb's Co-horts: